You know you’re from Vancouver/Saskatchewan when…

There is a new trend of people, after making their fortunes in Alberta and BC, are in fact moving back home to good ‘ol Saskatchewan, which apparently causing a housing boom in both Saskatoon and Regina. To promote the continued growth of Saskatchewan economy, the Sask NDP have been advertising in Alberta and BC to help bring people back home.

However a Vancouver radio station CKNW got hold of this news, and started running a you know you’re in Saskatchewan when..’ contest:

  • you tell your 14 year old daughter not to smoke in front of her children
  • your homecoming queen rides on a swather
  • your vocabulary consists of two words. welfare and farewell
  • you sort your laundry into 3 piles – green, whites, and green and white
  • you can see your dog running away for three days
  • you see the cow patties in full bloom
  • you order sushi and you get a kielbasa sausage wrapped in sour kraut
  • the birds start migrating south in July because they know that winter snows start in August
  • you fill your pickup with gas and it doubles in value!!!
  • you are attending a wedding beside an ice shack on frozen lake and it is 30 below zero!
  • “boot it” means putting on your boots and slopping out the pig pen
  • “hot rod” means lighting a twig to start up the b.b.q
  • “sperm whale” refers to 300 lb. Herbert who operates the local creamery
  • the local “Air Show” means the first crop of mosquitoes has hatched
  • the community bring their chairs to the local town hall for the premiere of “Corner Gas”
  • “double/double/strung/no foam” means 2 bales of hay, 2 bales of oats, twine around both and no manure on the bottom
  • CBC is considered quality programing
  • #1 sport in town, year round, is curling
  • you ask for directions to a gourmet coffee house and they send you to Tim Hortons
  • you know you’re in Saskatchewan when your MLA says “tickets to the junos are scarcer than hen’s teeth”

Many people in Saskatchewan however did not find it quite as funny, so the radio station launched their own ‘you know you’re in Vancouver when…’ contest as a response:

  • the rains last for weeks and a sunny day is something you dream about as you remember your days growing up in Saskatchewan
  • you ask someone for help…and they say…are you crazy…this is not Saskatchewan where people are known for their helping hand and extreme generosity
  • every second person you meet was born in Saskatchewan
  • you realize the most frequently answered question in the course of one day is “you wanna buy drugs?
  • you have to change you’re windshield wiper motor yearly
  • instead of saying “hello” in return, people stare at you
  • you add words and phrases like “meth-head” and “shootings” to your vocabulary
  • you have to add on an extra hour to get to your destination because there is so much construction before then
  • you go out and take both your sunglasses and umbrella at the same time
  • you have to hire Security to guard your car day and night from car thieves
  • after buying a house all your groceries come from the Food Bank
  • your house sinks into the ocean . good luck on the big earthquake
  • you make your mortgage payment and have enough left over to buy the kids a bag of weed
  • you don’t get two Rolling Stones Concert on the same weekend; now put that in your bong and smoke it
  • 0.5cm of snow falling is considered a provincial state of emergency
  • when 5 minutes of sunshine is considered a gift from the sun god
  • when every ones breath smells like raw tuna
  • when have have to navigate through the hypodermic syringes when walking down the street
  • you can throw a stone and hit three Starbucks
  • your province’s No. 1 agricultural export is sold not by the bushel, but by the quarter-ounce
  • rumoured for decades, but still unproven, are the existence of Ogopogo, Sasquatch and the Stanley Cup
  • humidity, precipitation. precipitation, humidity. There’s a difference?
  • olympic history is about to be made. The 2010 winter games in British Columbia will be the first in which competitors won’t be able to buy their drug-free urine samples locally
  • just one more traffic bridge and your largest city will trail Saskatoon by only three
  • you walk four blocks to a corner store during the sixth consecutive day of rain for a bottle of imported water
  • the words “pig farm” have no connection to hog production
  • it costs $250,000 to buy an outhouse. You know you’re in Saskatchewan when you can buy a mansion for the same $250,000.
  • you’re the warmest place in the Canada but it’s raining…again.. for the 67th day in a row
  • the radio station is flooded with calls about a strange glowing object in the sky, and it’s only the sun

Many Saskatchewan residents have also been finishing the sentence ‘you know you’re from Saskatchewan when’ in unique ways to promote Saskatchewan:

  • your new house, new car, SUV, camper and all can be paid off in a 12 year mortgage. It’s nice to be debt free, working and RRSP’s caught up and have lots of extra money for enjoyment. We have beautiful sunshine year round, fresh clean air and lots of space. It only takes 10 min to get anywhere in the city
  • you meet the nicest people on your first business trip and they STILL insist on taking you out for lunch on your second
  • you can no longer pick up CKNW’s Philip Till on the radio. (thank goodness!)
  • you can buy a house on your credit card and not go over your $10,000 limit….. its true!
  • the smiles that welcome you are as wide as the prairie sky
  • you never have asthma because of the clean, unpolluted air
  • you can look in the sky and enjoy the most hours of sunlight in all of Canada in a year

Even Saskatchewan industry and resources minister Eric Cline got in on the action offering free tickets to upon Juno’s in Saskatoon. And so the list of jokes continues…

3 thoughts on “You know you’re from Vancouver/Saskatchewan when…

  1. Um, some of those Saskatchewan “you know you’re in Vancouver when…” suggestions are pretty embarrassing.

    However… since they think we don’t know what sushi is they probably deserve it.

    Having lived in BC for a short while I know first hand how many people there view Saskatchewan. Flat. Hick. Cold. Boring. Not enough pot. ’nuff said.

  2. My friend Guy sent me an email with a few more I thought you may also enjoy:

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Saskatchewan

    If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Regina for the weekend, you live in Saskatchewan

    If you measure distance in squares of farm land, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you know several people who have hit a cow more than once, you live in Saskatchewan

    If you have gone from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Saskatchewan

    If you install security lights on your house and garage,but leave both unlocked, you live in Saskatchewan

    If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If the speed limit is 75 mph — you’re going 90 and everybody is passing you, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you have more hours on your snow blower than miles on your car, you live in Saskatchewan.

    If you find 10 degrees “a little chilly”, you live in Saskatchewan.

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